Life after a year

It’s been almost a year since I last wrote something here. Thought I’ll come back on 26th December, the same day (of last year) when I concluded that all online relations are fake and I don’t want to make any more.

But then, today being Granpa’s third death anniversary, want to tell him that even though it’s been three years since he left us, I still see him in my dreams… every night.

Isn’t it amazing how some people leave a lasting impression on our hearts?

Life's changed completely. Am happier today than I was in the past 5 years. Sometimes I can’t believe it and over the fear of losing my emotions…I even try to go back to the past. I try to cry but tears refuse to come out of these dry eyes.

And sometimes… sometimes it becomes so difficult, I feel like running away from home…to a place where I can be myself, where I can cry without the feeling that someone might be watching and hating every tear in my eye that falls out for a wrong reason/ wrong person. Yes, some people are perfect examples for MISTAKES OF GOD :D

And at other times I’m laughing. Laughing so much that I fear I’m faking it. ( joined that community on orkut- I SAY LOL WHEN I’m NOT LAUGHING :D :D was overwhelmed to see 1270 more members, besides myself :D)

Outwardly, I’ve changed a lot and yet there are some things I could not change about myself. I still can’t make out which of those people are real and which of them are not. People come, fool me and go. The worst thing is that I know they are fooling me and I still like to believe they are not. :D I trust them while always having this fear that they can break it anytime. So actually I don’t. And I still get those compliments- I’m too emotional :D (Just last week I read somewhere DON’T LET ANY MAN TELL YOU THAT YOU’RE TOO EMOTIONAL, will people stop giving me that age-old compliment and say something else, please?).

Then, there are people whom I would like to thank whole heartedly for being with me through all of it and helping me sail through. I have this immense respect for all of them and I promise to stand by, through life’s ups and downs. Sounds like a pledge I know :D

And a special mention: In this one year no matter who came and left, my boyfriend did not leave me even for a single day and I can bet my life that he never will. Yes, am shamelessly in love again- my boyfriend as I announce to the world is- AMUL’S CHOCOLATE CONE. :D

And lastly for all those who are in love… I would like to quote something that I truly started believing in (or maybe I like to believe that I started believing something that I always fail to believe in)- “JUST IGNORE EVERYTHING THEY SAY AND PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT THEY DO”

I remember there were people who wanted me to change my blog url – unlukky is definitely not me. Am also planning to change the template.

I’ve learned to live ;)

She opened her eyes to a new morning, a morning which could change her world. Her favorite pink teddy bear was missing. She lived in a room stuffed with toys and every toy tried its best to see her smile. She was such a sweet heart! Of all the toys, she loved that pink teddy – let’s call him Keith. She held his hand all through the day and hugged him when ever she felt low. Keith had seen her in smiles and in tears. Keith knew, like other toys did, that she looked gorgeous with her smile on. Yet he decided to gift her tears!

She missed Keith. She missed herself. For a moment she forgot that there were other toys in her room. She was desperately searching for Keith. She was crying!

The doggie barked to get her attention. She chose to ignore. The monkey did tricks to see her smile. She threw him to a corner. The joker clapped till his hands were in pain. She unwounded him and threw him under her cot. The train whistled and moved around her. Her feet crushed the engine to death!

Some toys were scared by her act. Some were hurt and some cursed her change. They left the room leaving her behind, crying while she searched for Keith. Some chose to stay and bring her back, and she chose to shut herself inside the virtual walls around her! She was furious, screaming out the pain. She wished Keith was there to hold her hands. She believed him to be the only one who could feel her pain. The monkey wondered so did the others! “He gifted her tears and left her in pain. Yet she says only he would understand.” They felt dejected, yet they stayed.

They knew she would sleep again. They knew she would need them all when she wakes up - either to make her smile or to cry out her pain. And yes, she did. Days passed and she opened her eyes to another morning. She saw broken pieces of plastic shattered through out the room, fur flying high, her wounded friends in the darkness of the room. She ran to them and cried her heart out. If only those tears could heal them!

The doggie barked again, but his voice choked. The monkey tried tricks with his broken hands. The joker clapped but she saw him limping. The train whistled but failed to reach her. She had them all back – wounded and hurt. The only thought that remained was this: Were the losses worth it?

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The pink teddy was her favorite toy. She played with him all day, all night. She was so used to him being around that her loss completely shattered her. She couldn’t believe keith had left her. If Keith could do that…any toy could do the same. She wasn’t willing to let the other toys hurt her more. Coz if the toy she trusted, loved and treasured the most could leave her to suffer this pain… one day she thought… all other toys would leave her too. And in a fit of rage and thoughtlessness she decided to abandon all of her toys… leaving their world….before they left hers.

The doggie barked to get her attention. She chose to ignore. The monkey did tricks to see her smile. She threw him to a corner. The joker clapped till his hands were in pain. She unwounded him and threw him under her cot. The train whistled and moved around her. Her feet crushed the engine to death!

But one day she came back and apologized for her stupid acts. And the toys…they forgave her… after all she is a sweeeeeeeetheart :D

What happened to keith? He is still there in her heart. He will be there… always. Coz HER love isn’t something that disappears just like that. And yes… she hoped…that one day Keith would come back to her… with much more love and happiness for her.

To the question- are the losses worth it? They say never regret something that made you happy. Keith meant the world to her at one point of time.he was the reason she smiled. Hugging him made her feel like the world was hers. So she chose to love him……. never—the--less.

p.s - thanks anu, for the story... i hope what i added to it..made some sense :D

Much love,

div

Thanks vinay

there is, no one like you.
a little light in my life dark.
for all the times we fought,
are memories i cherish a lot,
our friendship now a fire,
that was once just a spark.

there is, no one like you.
a heart, always there for me.
for all the times, we made us smile,
with silly jokes, just for a while,
a sweetheart you are dear,
now and always you shall be.

you were there for me,
when no one else did care.
your voice i can hear,
in my heart it is always there.

there is, no one like you,
a little friend, that god did send,
an angel, that i did find.
a face i see, as my sis dearest,
whose thoughts i value always,
and that i keep in mind.

i wish i could say,
a lot more than this,
i know how you feel,
there is something amiss.
you are strong, i know that,
come back to who you are,
as that smiling darling,
who makes me laugh from afar.

take your time, but be back,
your presence i now lack,
for you mean a lot to me sis,
i speak from my heart this,
come back soon, my best friend,
and your thoughts, once again lend.
if i can make you smile through my words,
then i feel, no distance can keep us apart.

friends always forever...!! :) till february has 31 days...

lots of luv, and hugs, from me to you.
your anian...! :)

To div, from lena

i know whatever i would say wont help much, sweetheart and i wont tell you you shoud move on because it is really crap... you will move when time comes... not in a week or in a month.. such things dont just heal so soon.. take your own time, dont listen to anyone.. you want to cry, cry... thats essential, to cry your pain out, to get rid of all sadness... will take so much time to fill in this emptiness... just remember that no matter what you are stronger than you think, braver than you believe.. and you deserve hapiness more than anyone else...
you will be happy, that i know.. because you are one beautiful soul.. and because you are my little sister and i believe in you!!
you are one hell of a fighter and you will be there on the top of the world.. sooner than you expect.
I know you are sad, i know you cant really talk to anyone, cant take anything from anyone, cant accept what everyone is saying.... but just remember that we are always there for you, any time.. if you need someone to cry with, i am here for you... if you need someone to sit in silence, i am there for you... no matter when or what, trust me i love you soo much and whenever you are in pain, i am in pain too... but i just want you to listen to yourself and on one fine day to be back to your usual self, maybe a bit stronger than you were before, maybe a bit happier than before... and sure a bit more braver.. you wont give up on yourself, on your life, on your future... on people who love you and care about you... those who mail me every day asking how you are and if they can be of any help...
i know its tough to believe now. but you will be blessed with lots of success and happiness... and we all will be there to witness it and to feel proud of you getting through it..

i believe the new year will be the year of changes for you... good ones, happy ones, lovely ones... :)
love you very much dear!
take very good care of yourself!
and you know what?

you are the best!! :)